Blog Rant: Airplanes!

As someone who has searched out somewhat healthy food at most of the major metropolitan areas in this country and come up pretty much empty-handed, and as someone whose flights have been canceled several times, allowing me to watch the inefficiency that the airlines call their “business model” to unfold before me in real time, I completely empathize with today’s post from guest blogger Denielle. Take it away:

I used to travel a lot for work. Then I had kids and the logistical drama caused by my brief absences led me to boycott work-travel altogether. So, as I fly to/from LA / NY in less than 24 hours, some questions have arisen that I hope someone can shed some light on.

1. Do I keep getting bigger, or do airplane seats keep getting smaller? Wait, don’t answer that!

I am sitting on a plane as I type.  My laptop is sitting on my actual lap because only 50% of it fits on the tray table in front of me, even at its full extended position, given that the seat in front of me is reclined! Don’t ask me to reach for the gum in my bag on the floor! It would be a physical impossibility.

2. Why is in-flight entertainment so *$% expensive????

I remember when Continental used to charge for headphones. It was a one time fee, as you could bring your Continental set to any future Continental flight (hats off to anyone who actually remembered to do that). There was one movie you could barely see or hear over the din of the engines, but everyone was in it together. Now everyone gets a personal TV on the back of the seat. Seems like an improvement, right?

Not so fast!

I’ve been on recent flights where you bring your headset and watch TV/movies of your choice on said personal TV.  On this Continental flight, they are charging $7.99 for DirecTV access.  No discounts for current DirecTV customers. If I know my TV commercials, I know that the average monthly price for a full DirecTV subscription is not much more than the price I would pay for TV access on this one round trip! There’s nothing on anyway.

3.  Why do airlines not want you to bring bags when you travel?

Call me crazy, but it seems that the price of bringing my luggage on a trip should be factored into the price of the overall flight. I get it if the bag weighs 200lbs, but $25 to check a small backpack? Really?

4.  Why do airlines want me to eat gummy bears for dinner?

If a flight departs city X at 3:30pm and is due to arrive at city Y by 11:45pm, would it not seem hospitable to offer, say, a small bag of pretzels?  Fortunately, 9oz bags of gummy bears are sold at a stand by the gate for $4.50 and suffice as dinner-in-a-pinch. My close friend, and frequent air traveler, confirms that anything consumed in an airport or on an airplane may not be measured for caloric or nutritional value. It just doesn’t count.

5. If you know we are coming into your airport, why do you not have anyone to let us in??

Once I’m comfy on a flight – one that gets in at say, 1am – there’s no need to rush me off the plane. I’m fine if we all just keep hanging out together for an hour or so.  The view from the runway is stunning and I’m always happy to make new friends.

I understand that when you are re-routed because of weather, and land at an airport that has already closed, it is unreasonable to expect that someone will be there to refuel you for 3.5 to 4 hours.  That someone is at home, watching his already-paid for DirecTV. But when we are expected, and there’s even a gate for us, PLEASE open the door.

All ranting aside, I will sit with my knees under my chin, listen to my stomach growl above the din of the plane, chewing gummy bears one by one for a smooth, safe flight.

Safe Travels!